if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
