he puts the penis in happiness.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
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I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
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Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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