I just saw a hot homeless man
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
