why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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