vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
