cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
