Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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