Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
