i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just found puke in my bra..
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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