you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
