So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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