I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
