I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize