we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
