We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
