dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
