Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
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He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
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Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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