I wanna bring you to show and tell
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.