i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
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craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You can't just leave with hair like that
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind