when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.