You work out of a Hotel?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.