im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction