so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
