I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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