Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.

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(208): View more from Idaho

I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait

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(734): View more from Michigan

you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(518): View more from New York

Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis

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(904): View more from Florida

way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...

(1-904): View more from Florida

I saved lives by not driving this morning

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(509): View more from Washington

I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.

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(716): View more from New York

We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.

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