just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?