omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
