Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
