I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
