you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
