First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
