Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
