we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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