It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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