I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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