What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
