Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
