I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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