i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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