Someone shit on the floor
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize