Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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