SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
