I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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