I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
