i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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