Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
