Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
