i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
