how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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