I need help removing her.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
did i just pee glitter
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
