You're my little dorito
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
