His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
