Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
