Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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