The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
