Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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