$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
