you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
