you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
