you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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