I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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