Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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