this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
