In the future we'll all be gay
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
