I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
