Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
