Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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