true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
